check in his notebooks, the answers are clear
a little bit of his mother, but mostly he's there.
the hurt of the silence, and the sting of her words.
when she walked the doorway and cried on the stairs

because the super nova fell through, here come the animals.
super nova, he's through, pretending.
super nova became the object of her prize
super nova you're here to make me realize.

when she walked in, beat thumping,
and all the body's bumping
he tried. to make the feelings go away.
but when the red giraffe makes his call.
its like nothing is there, nothing at all.


the water boils, up and up, feel the beat
and the chrome, trips your out, stamp your feet.
the crinkle, the tears, the magic of the years.
its pours....on and on.

Take my photo off the wall...

I'm riding in a charter bus filled with excited teenagers. My stomach is queasy and I'm bubbling over, but to keep my cool I'm reading Cosmo. "Fish Guts make your hair shiny," Sam says, denying that fact that she, too, is nervous for her race the following day. Bus activities vary but no one stats the obvious: We're scared as Hell. Marquette beats our butts every year, and really there is little chance that we will even come close. As I try to put it out of my mind, I start to drift to sleep. Maybe it'll give my tense body some much needed rest.

I wake up, sweating, beneath my blue flannel sheets and quickly shut my eyes, hoping that the reality I've woken up too is the dream, and the dream reality.

I slap my own face--I need to live my life now, my life here.
I have to stop asking, "What if...?"

Productivity

Productivity has been the theme today, and no matter how little or how extreme you go at something, I think it really helps to know that you accomplished something big, something on a grandeur scale.

I know that it will come, but i'm waiting.

Maybe for a new idea.

i'm so excited.
but lately. so tired. so sore.
so down.

my body doesn't want to compete as hard as my mind does.

:\